


That Time When You Go into Your Sibling’s Workplace Just to Annoy Them (You Know What I’m Talking About)

by BabyGenius



Series: A Bat in A White Collar [4]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, White Collar
Genre: Attempt at Humor, BUT ONLY ONCE, Barbara Gordon is mentioned, Dick Grayson is Neal Caffrey, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Its the f-bomb, Mugging, Neal Caffrey is Dick Grayson, No beta we tpyo like men, Peter just wanted a normal good day, So is Elizabeth Burke, That means sex, There is one swear word this time, but alas, but not written about, he should have known better, mentioned - Freeform, or enbies, or women, surprise visit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:00:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25062757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BabyGenius/pseuds/BabyGenius
Summary: “Tim.”Tim gave a jaunty wave and a smirk. “‘Sup, Big D?”Peter pinched the bridge of his nose, hoping to God that hadn’t been meant as a euphemism.“What are you doing here?” Neal asked.——For those of you that have siblings, especially in retail, y’all know what I’m talking about when I mention the time when you go into your sibling’s place of work solely to embarrass and/or annoy them. This is what happens when Tim does that to Dick!
Relationships: Peter Burke & Neal Caffrey, Tim Drake & Dick Grayson
Series: A Bat in A White Collar [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1790395
Comments: 30
Kudos: 426





	That Time When You Go into Your Sibling’s Workplace Just to Annoy Them (You Know What I’m Talking About)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi y’all. I wanted to get this to you earlier today, but my dad had us doing yardwork all day and then I had to go grocery shopping and then I had a bagpipe lesson, so I didn’t get the chance until now. Hope all your weeks have been good, though. Alright, so I’ve come across I small conundrum. I definitely want Dick to be Romani in the story because representation is important and it’s been classified as canon (though I’d probably use it even if it weren’t). But I am also not a person of color, and my only minority groups are being gay and autistic and having other neurodivergencies, so I need some help. I don’t want to make a big thing about it, because I don’t think Neal/Dick would, and I know that some Romani people are white-passing (I guess?? I could be wrong), which is how I’m gonna swing Dick being Romani even though I’m mostly certain Matt Bomer isn’t (though I’ve done some research and they say that a lot of Romani people don’t make it common knowledge for obvious *cough*discrimination*cough* reasons).  
> Also, I don’t want to force the inclusion (I don’t want a character to go out of their way and be OOC to mention an ethnicity, because then that feels really forced). So, tips? Even, like, points in my writing where a certain hint could be dropped (I’ve seen it done as “he could pass as a really tan white guy, but he probably wasn’t”). I’m open to ideas! If you don’t want to talk about it on ao3, my tumblr is https://www.tumblr.com/blog/blerghfish .  
> Also, there is an unfortunate lack of Diana Berrigan in this one, but we’ll see more of her in the future. I’m almost deadly certain that she and Barbara Gordon will be akin to a power couple.

Peter’s day had been going pretty well. He had gotten the perfect amount of sleep last night and had awoken feeling nice and refreshed, El had made him breakfast in bed and they’d cuddled for a while before he had to start getting ready, and Neal was taking himself to work so he had had a nice, quiet car ride to the office. He should have known, with his luck, the good day wouldn’t last, but he was naïve.

He walked into the office with a smile on his face, but was brought short by a child—a teenager—with a mop of black hair sitting with his feet up on Neal’s desk. He looked around the office and noticed that most of the other agents weren’t paying attention aside from the occasional glance up, as if checking the teenager were still there.

Peter cleared his throat, causing the teen and most of the office to look up, the teen from his phone and the agents their computers or paperwork. “Why is there a kid at Caffrey’s desk?” He just knew his day was going to get more eventful.

“I was coming into the office and this kid was almost mugged, so I offered to wait with him until the authorities got there, but instead he said he had to see someone at the white collar office, so I took him upstairs with me,” Blake explained sheepishly.

Peter nodded, letting out a noncommittal “Uh-huh” before turning his gaze to the kid. “And who are you here to see?”

The kid, fringed black hair falling into azure blue eyes, gave a small smile and replied, “Neal Caffrey, sir.”

“Why?”

“I have a few things I need to talk to him about, sir.” Peter gave the kid a once-over, trying to determine if there was anything shady that could stand to reason why he would want to talk to Neal of all people, especially in the FBI office instead of visiting his apartment. He couldn’t see anything of note, and the kid seemed perfectly innocent, but he tried not to let that fool him. “Neal should be getting here in a few minutes. What’s your name?”

“Tim.” The ki—Tim beamed at him but didn’t say anything else. Peter sighed, knowing that he wasn’t going to get anymore identifying characteristics from him without running him through the database, and maybe not even then.

Anything further Peter might have said was interrupted by Neal walking in through one of the doors, coffees for the team in his hand. Neal handed Peter his cup before noticing the teenager at his desk. He set the coffees down, his own still in his hand.

“Tim?”

Tim gave a jaunty wave and a smirk, taking a sip of his own beverage, which Peter had failed to notice before (which is odd, because he’s paid to notice things). “‘Sup Big D?”

Peter pinched the bridge of his nose, hoping to god that hadn’t been meant as a euphemism. He knew this day had been too perfect.

“What are you doing here?” Neal asked, head cocked, his own coffee cup finding a place on his desk with the others.

“Just came to see the sights, get mugged a little, maybe visit my big bro while I’m at it.” Tim waved a dismissive hand, a mischievous smirk still on his face. He had muttered the bit about getting mugged, and it seemed as though Neal hadn’t heard him. “Also, B wanted me out of the office after I called him an idiot sandwich in front of the Board while mushing his head between manila folders.“

Neal froze, his eyes wide. “You did what?” He barked out a laugh, his eyes crinkling genuinely. “Oh my god that must have been fantastic, send me the video footage later.”

“What makes you think there’s video footage?”

Neal sent Tim a deadpan look. “There are top of the line surveillance cameras everywhere, there are literally no blind spots in their coverage and you and I both know this, so does Bruce. Send me the footage. Also, this doesn’t explain why you decided to visit me at the office.”

Tim shrugged, conceding the point, before saying, “I felt like it. There wasn’t much else I wanted to do considering how much time I’ve spent in New York before. Besides, it’s not like I was going to visit Jason. I don’t trust him to not try and maim me if we’re alone together.”

Neal shook his head and sat down on the corner of his desk, knowing that Tim was likely right. Peter pulled up a chair. “Mind introducing us, Neal?”

“This is my brother, Tim. Who, for some reason, has decided to come all the way from Jersey just to torment me.”

Tim smiled, setting his drink down and leaning forward. “Well, not only to bother you,” he drawled. “B had some business dealings in NYC, and I came along because the plan is for me to take over the company.”

‘The company?’ Diana mouthed, sharing a look of confusion with Peter.

“Ah, well, hopefully you do better in business school than I did. It was torture and there’s a reason I didn’t graduate.”

Tim scoffed and leaned back in the chair, balancing it precariously on only two of its legs. “You didn’t graduate because you didn’t use your brain and realize you could actually get a degree in one of the things you were interested in. It isn’t like we don’t have the money.”

Neal shrugged lightheartedly, a smirk on his face. “Ah, well, I like how things turned out.”

Tim sent a pointed glance to Neal’s anklet. “Yes, they turned out wonderfully, didn’t they? Barbara misses you. She said to tell you to call her or else.”

“I thought you didn’t go to college, Neal?” Jones asked, his head cocked just so.

Neal shrugged. “Neal Caffrey didn’t, and while I technically did, I didn’t graduate because MBA is boring.”

Tim threw a pen at him, nailing him in the middle of the forehead with startling accuracy and smirking at the annoyed look on his brother’s face. “You just have no taste.”

Neal grabbed the pen from where it had landed on his lap and spun it between his fingers, sending Tim a look. “I miss Babs too, and I’ll give her a call, no need for threats. Also, I’m not the coffee addict, here. Nor am I the one who tried to convince B to let them paint their walls neon yellow with bat symbols or put glitter in the car’s air conditioning. Why would you even do that? I would think you would have more class than to use such a double-edged sword as glitter.”

Tim glared at him. “I thought it would be funny. Also, I wasn’t counting on being in the car when he did it, I thought I’d be on my bike. How did you hear about that? Did Bruce rat me out?”

Neal smirked. “Nah, but Damian did. And besides, I think the wall would’ve been taking the whole Gothamite thing a bit far.”

Peter watched Tim’s eyebrows furrow in a scowl. “Demon brat. Remind me why we didn’t just leave him with his grandfather or Talia?”

He completely ignored the last thing Neal had said. Neal pinned his brother with a scolding look. “You know neither of them are good influences. We’re trying to integrate Dami into normal society.”

Tim snorted, the chair falling back on all fours. “Yes, because our family is _so_ normal.”

Peter looked at the ceiling, the only thing that was normal at the moment. It couldn’t frustrate him the way Neal did. It had always been a good, steady ceiling that didn’t change. “You know your job isn’t to catch up with your brother, right, Neal? How many brothers do you have, anyway?”

Neal shrugged. “Three, for now.”

Blake stared at him in confusion. “What do you mean ‘for now’?! Is your mom pregnant or something?”

Neal and Tim exchanged a look before bursting into laughter. The rest of the office looked on in confusion (“Was it something I said?” Blake asked).

Neal shook his head, tears of humor in his eyes. “No, no pregnancies. Our…dad… just has an issue with adopting.”

“What he means,” Tim cleared his throat with a mock self-important air, “Is that if our father comes across a poor orphan he takes them in. Although, technically the youngest of us is his biologically.”

Peter traded a surprised look with his team. “You were adopted?”

Neal shrugged. “Technically I’m just a ward, but sure.”

Peter shook his head to refocus himself, filing that piece of information away for later. “Anyway,” he straightened his tie, “Time for you to get to work.”

Neal shrugged and stood up from the desk edge. He nudged Tim with his foot, and the teen got out of the chair with a slight scowl, saying, “B wants to have dinner with you, though, at that Italian place you both like. He brought the Demon Brat with him, so have fun.”

Neal scowled. “He’d better have an apology prepared or else I get to hug him to death.”

Tim gave a quick bark of laughter, pausing at the corner of the desk. “Damian? Apologize? Besides, I thought you said it was a good thing that we have him.”

Neal raised an eyebrow at him. “I never claimed any different, but I think that if someone tries to kill you they should at least apologize.”

Peter sputtered, hoping that Neal was exaggerating the ‘tried to kill’ him thing, but realizin from what he had heard that that was probably not the case. Tim ignored him and shrugged. “I guess so. See ya later.”

“Tell Alfred I said hi!” Neal called after him. Tim gave him an acknowledging wave of the hand before walking out the glass doors to the elevators.

Agent Blake cleared his throat. “So, are you the oldest?”

Neal fixed him with a weird look. “Yeah? Didn’t I say as much before?” Blake shrugged helplessly. Neal furrowed his brows and then looked as though something else had occurred to him. “And why did you escort Tim up here in the first place? That’s kind of odd.”

“Ah, well, ya see,” Blake fidgeted and cleared his throat. “Your brother…might…have been mugged?”

Neal’s eyes widened. “What?!” He spat, his face falling into a glare. “He was mugged and he didn’t tell me?” Neal pulled out his phone—Wayne Tech, huh, wonder how he could afford that—and pressed on a contact. He didn’t have to wait long before it was picked up. “You were mugged and you didn’t mention anything?!” Peter watched in growing amusement as Neal’s face screwed up even more during Tim’s response. “I know you can take care of yourself just fine! And you mentioned it in a throwaway comment under your breath when I was focused on other things! And it doesn’t matter if they took anything or not, this is still something you mention!”…Neal sputtered. “Not important?! _Not important_? I’ll show you not important. Have fun setting your devices back to a language you can read! And I know that Bruce won’t help you!”

He pulled the phone away from his ear and hung up harshly. Peter was having a hard time not laughing, but was doing an admirable job of hiding it as he heard Neal mutter, “Watch him not know what the fuck things are saying ‘cause it’s all in Finnish.”

Peter cleared his throat, grabbing a file that Diana had handed him. “And how are you planning on doing that?”

Neal gave him a wolfish grin, sharp. “Hacking is a wonderful thing, and while he may be better at it, that doesn’t mean he’s immune.”

Peter raised an eyebrow at him as he passed him the file. “You can hack?”

“I can do a lot of things.” Neal looked at the papers in the file and groaned. “Not more mortgage fraud? I brought you coffee!” He gestured to the coffee which, by now, was probably at least a little cold.

Peter shrugged. “Your brother also visited.”

Neal looked like he was going to argue more, but then seemed to consider it shook his head sadly. “Yeah, that’s a fair point.”

**Author's Note:**

> So what did you think? I’m trying to make sure that I don’t get stale or static in how I get the batfam to visit the office, because I know that can definitely happen and I want to avoid it. I think my favorite bit was either a Peter hoping it wasn’t a euphemism, or the idiot sandwich story, but if you had a different one please tell me!  
> Next up: Damian will terrorize the office. Also, I headcanon Damian as autistic, so watch out for the little things in how I portray it (if I can work any in, but in average perception a lot of us come off as relatively “normal” at first glance, and since Damian was raised in the League of Assassins then I think a lot of people use that to explain his lack of people skills, and while that may be part of it I also definitely think there’s something else going on. I’ll probably make a tumblr post about it soon).  
> As always, please subscribe to the series for more, because there is a regular update schedule and I’m already working on the next one, and leave a comment down below! It takes not even a minute to leave a quick comment, I swear, and you wouldn’t have this series without comments cos I am a self-conscious who needs to know people like my stuff. Even if it’s just a single word with no other explanation, I almost guarantee I will love it anyway (I say almost because some people can be needlessly mean and I can’t love a comment that is just cruel or blatantly rude).  
> Hope everyone’s safe with what’s going on, and if you’re in what’s considered an essential job, you continue to be fortunate enough to not catch the virus. Have a good week and Happy Fourth of July to those of us in the US!  
> Also, if there are any glaring errors in any part of this, please let me know because I’m kinda half asleep.


End file.
